30 years of me: a birthday celebration
who i was, who i am
today is my 30th birthday! ‘94 hive, where you at? make some noise y’all wtf! it’s also the fourth birthday that i’ve celebrated on this newsletter. to recap:
in honor of the occasion, i return to the concept employed on my 28th birthday and offer the following list of 30 random thoughts:
unsolicited advice can often be unwarranted and unnecessary. but i’ll typically appreciate a gentle reframe. i be in my head a lot.
that being said, feel free to take any suggestions that follow with a grain of pink Himalayan salt. if it don’t apply, let it fly.
Nerds was very smart to break the Nerds Rope into bite-sized pieces and repackage it to us as Nerds Gummy Clusters. even though i always liked the candy, i could never eat as many ropes as i could the clusters in one sitting. the family size bag? devious work.
if you don’t remember many things about me, at least remember that i only acknowledge and validate the Stevie Wonder version of “Happy Birthday.” the following video is like looking into the future.
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Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browseri’ve got a few grey strands framing my hairline, but i think a streak in the front would be spectacular. even when i was a teenager experimenting with Manic Panic, i thought going grey “early” would make it easier to dye my hair in fun colors. i still remember this beautiful and effortlessly fabulous older woman i saw with a bright pink updo. i was on the bus, approaching my stop at the overpriced art college i briefly attended in Midtown Atlanta before transferring. my head swiveled to continue watching her in awe.1
you can’t complain that all of today’s music is the same 🙄 and then ONLY seek out the things you like in music. you’re the problem, babe. it’s a skill issue, get your curiosity level up!
Pilates videos on Tubi have renewed my sense of personal strength and flexibility. i like this Power Pilates series. it’s from 2005, so the pop culture references are outdated, but the workouts themselves are evergreen.
shoutout to my high school chorus teacher for teaching us “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen because now i understand every cue, harmony, and lyric so intimately. Mr. Snell, may you be blessed wherever you are.2
if you haven’t made a peach-watermelon smoothie yet this summer, you’re missing out. it reminds me of tropical-flavored Starbursts.3 add ginger, mango, coconut milk, and pineapple to really take yourself to the beach in your mind.
unfortunately, this is also how i discovered i might be allergic to kiwi. i always thought they were supposed to be tangy, but then i added two fairly ripe kiwis to a smoothie and my lips felt a little tingly. the drink was a little too dry, a little too spicy for what i was going for. i haven’t eaten them since.
as someone who has written about beauty (but isn’t an expert by any means), cleansers and moisturizers are the primary needs for a solid skincare routine. and of course, sunscreen during the day! while i like treatments such as serums and masks, my skin can be a bit sensitive. so less is often more.
after a decade or so of being vegetarian, i flirted a bit with pescatarianism this summer. the conclusion? maybe i’ll eat fish on super rare occasions, but i can genuinely confirm it’s a matter of texture that made me not want to eat meat or fish anymore way back when. i enjoy the versatility of tofu and mushrooms more.
if you think you can be in love and never get your feelings hurt, think again. if you think you’re incapable of hurting the ones you love (despite your best intentions), remember that you are human, not infallible.
i’ve been with the same person since we were 19, so a lot of modern dating discourse confuses me.4 what i can say is: a lot of folks do not have realistic expectations of what it means to be in a romantic relationship. it seems like many people just want to be in a relationship with themselves, but they need a person who can bankroll their lifestyle. remember that other people are human too, not walking wallets.
it also annoys me when folks generalize bad behaviors and traits within interpersonal situations to be like “men do this, women are like that.” NO! people do things. people are like that. many of those traits and actions are not specific to any gender, but rather human nature.
relatedly, i wish folks would put the binaries down (including, but not limited to, gender). they’re beyond tired. let ‘em GO! embrace the powers of duality and spectrums instead.5
everything that memes portray about soju like Hanjan and Good Friends is accurate. from my experience, the flavors are dangerously good and kinda taste too much like juice to be the 12-14% proof adult beverages that they are. drink responsibly!
i related to Charli xcx when she couldn’t remember if BRAT was stylized uppercase or lowercase. personally, i prefer typing in lowercase (with the exception of most proper nouns), but my handwriting is usually ALL CAPS (which you might have noticed if you’ve seen my year-end lists). i couldn’t really explain why that is, but it’s been this way since i was a teen.
i really wanted to host a vinyl/CD listening party for my birthday, but i couldn’t figure out how i wanted that to happen in time. let me know if you want in on the guest list because it’s destined to happen at some point.
here are some deep cuts that aren’t on some of the major DSPs, including a couple of songs i used to play heavily as a college radio DJ.
“the sky is only the beginning.” (a reminder that my friend Daniel and i offer to each other during moments of inspiration and encouragement).
being an early adopter often yields patience. i had a goal to get to a certain number of subscribers by my birthday and y’all made it happen. thank you kindly from the bottom of my heart. and a special shoutout to the collectors who been down since day one!
i chuckle to myself every time i remember this tweet that essentially said “if you watch Ginny & Georgia, you’ll watch anything.” because that’s so me. i watch the most random shows, including season 1 of Ginny & Georgia. but just because i start a show doesn’t mean i will necessarily finish it. i just be trying sh*t.
my favorite show is Six Feet Under. it’s one of few shows that i’ve watched more than once, and that i would watch again anytime soon.
don’t completely scrap your creative ideas! you never know when those fragments of ideas will spark a flame within you.
speaking of which: i recently rediscovered this “last day as a teenager.” playlist i made in 2014 in honor of my 20th birthday. it felt like opening a time capsule.
(last day as a teenager. on Apple Music)
as a companion, i’m in conversation with my younger self on my latest playlist, titled “last day as a 20-something.” each track on the 20-something playlist ties in thematically with the songs on my teenage era playlist. if you view them side-by-side, you’ll see what i mean. think of it as a sonic diptych.
(last day as a 20-something. on Apple Music)
who was i as a teenager? i was a creative, sensitive, sentimental introvert pretending to be extroverted. i was clinically depressed (but undiagnosed). when i listened to “Shame, Shame” by Dr. Dog on one recent weekend at 2AM, i cried, as i was reminded of plenty other times i’d cried to this song. the raw emotion within the song is so visceral. read the full lyrics when you get a chance.
who was i in my 20s? it was still giving real tenderhearted lover girl energy. after all, i do have a queen of hearts playing card tattooed on my entire left forearm.7 this decade around, i had a few rounds of therapy, some diagnoses, and some groundbreaking experiences with medicinal plant allies under my belt. i spent a lot of time embodying the Hermit card. i loved a lot. i learned a ton. i cried a bunch. i grew even more.
here’s to embracing all aspects of ourselves in order to move forward with grace. i look forward to what my 30s will have to offer and meeting the person i am becoming.
how to support me on my birthday: share this post, browse my archive and share your favorite article of mine, upgrade to a paid subscription, send me a gift, and/or tell me about music you think i’d like that i haven’t featured on the newsletter before.
this is the kind of subtle, yet lasting impact that we can have on each other by simply being ourselves.
we also sang “Sir Duke” by Stevie Wonder and “One Night Only” from Dreamgirls, among many other hits.
i told y’all i had a sweet tooth.
it’s also comical and peculiar to me that there’s this idea you have to be married by a certain age or after a certain number of years of dating. 1) marriage is not a goal or priority for everyone; 2) respectfully, some folks be crashing out after 2 years of marriage because they really didn’t know that man or his family.
if you’re new here, i’d describe myself as a nonbinary femme of the gender-expansive variety (in that order). i don’t care if you call me a woman or use phrases like girl! or sis in reference to me (the latter are acceptable as terms of affection/emphasis from Black women exclusively). i have inhabited those identities within my lifetime, so they are still part of my experience. just respect that i am that and more.
i still have the letter from the man who wrote into the station expressing how much he loved this song (and the show i co-hosted) during his incarceration. i kept it in my setlist for a while in case he was listening.
this playing card corresponds with my birthdate in cardology.
Happy Birthday 🎉🎁🎊🎂🎈
Happy Birthday!!!