recollections vol. 6
featuring Jacquie Verbal
recollections is back with a special guest feature from , the illustrious writer behind and the founder of . if you’re Black and on Substack, Jacquie is definitely one to know: she’s an inspirational community builder and a visionary who leads by example. she is also the author of a book titled Un-trap Da Hood. in honor of her birthday today, Jacquie has taken over things i collected with a curated selection of music, quotes, and personal anecdotes that offer a glimpse into the book’s content and development.
additionally, this is the first day of preorders for the inaugural BlackStack Magazine! i’ll pass the mic to Jacquie so you can hear about it directly from the source.
a soundtrack from my timestamp collection
by
When Shanté invited me to do this collab piece, I will be honest: I didn’t know if I was ready for the challenge. The past year has been me holding on to the little bit I have while following my dreams and heart to find home in California. As I sit in my apartment in Oakland, California preparing to pack again, but this time to move into my new apartment to make home, I realize I have a collection of timestamps preserved in my published book I wrote this year documenting my journey home.
Pushing myself to live past my idea of perfection, I published my book in May 2024 on my grandmother’s birthday, one month before finding my first home in California. As my life has continued to blossom overnight, I feel the urge to rewrite the book as the second edition, now sharing the reward of home.
One thing I love most about my book is how I added music to it in a way that allows the reader to feel and experience my inspiration for each part and chapter of UN-TRAP DA HOOD. So, this addition to the series will be the soundtrack that inspired me to write my book.
Preface
“No such thing as a life that’s better than yours.”
I collected acceptance of my path.
Maybe being broke was better. Maybe giving up everything to move across the country for a better life wasn’t my story. Writing the preface after listening to this song brought me out of one of the darkest times of my life. Life is only as good as we allow ourselves to enjoy it, so I opt to curate the most fulfilling one for myself. Best decision I’ve ever made, 10 out of 10 recommend it.
Part One: What are we healing from?
“Then notice I said we, it’s not just me. I’m what the culture feeling.”
I collected pride and power in my blackness.
The definition of euphoria is a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness, which was the feeling it felt to be Black when this song dropped. Un-trap da Hood was written to be a tool used in the evolution of Black culture, so when this song dropped during the process, I had to make this the opening introduction. I believe, like many of us, Kendrick shocked me with the layers of his message, inspiring me to write more for the Black girls who look like me.
Chapter One: Baby, Who Raised You?
“We raised by our mamas, Lord we gotta heal.”
I collected my authenticity as I parented myself.
On my journey home, I learned that I had no idea who I was nor who I desired to be deep down until I broke free of my mama. That was the most painful experience I’ve endured in my adult life. My mother has missed my most precious milestones in my efforts to preserve them for myself. While our relationship is now shifting, it’s only because of my acceptance that the parents I once longed for will never be the relationships I experience until I release that expectation of them. The more distance I put between us, the more I found the parts of myself I was conditioned not to accept.
Chapter Two: Cultural Conditioning
“This for my people, tryna stay alive and just stay peaceful.”
I found community through my collection of cultural aesthetics.
“Untrap the Hood” was my original mission statement for my holistic practice from 2020 until 2023 before diving head first into the indie underground music industry as a manager and radio manager. My goal was to help music artists connect with their fans through frequencies and emotional connections through their lyrics. Since leaving corporate America, all of my creative outlets have brought fulfillment and writing was how I would document it all. Fast forward to the present day, that’s what I am known for through my writing style and curation, it’s for the culture!
Chapter Three: Ten Toes Down
“Ten toes, never in no hurry, nigga, I call shots, you heard?”
I found myself collecting confidence standing ten toes down.
I didn’t grow up as a confident kid, although I experienced my share of pretty privilege. The more I shined with my outgoing personality, the more I grew ashamed of that light. I fell in love with trap music because the lyrics resonate with my inner knowing of my greatness while relearning how to let it shine confidently. After all, like Key Glock said, I talk a whole lot of shit cause I can back it, and that sums up my writing style.
Part Two: The Art of Healing
“I hope you find some peace of mind in this lifetime.”
I found a collection of beauty in my stored grief.
Writing this right now feels like a subtle foreshadowing of America and the emotional grief Black Americans carry from the constant letdown. I look at music artists as inspiration when they tell a story in a song; it’s the layering that I find more appealing. My journey has pivoted from focused healing to discovering a life of peace, fulfillment, and happiness. Picking my grief apart became more damaging than healing for me, and the shift into exploring more peaceful experiences was like walking into the most beautiful rainforest. Reliving those moments that once brought me heartache with the intention of seeking peace has gifted me with a healing I thought would take years to experience.
Chapter Four: Standing on What Business?
“Oh, you worried 'bout a critic? That ain’t protocol (bitch).”
I collected my strength in my pivots.
Now, I do not subscribe to being a strong Black woman, but I am a Black woman who is about her business. Something doesn’t sit right with my spirit about staying in an energy that’s not helping you elevate; I subscribe to the pivot and change. We get too caught up in standing on outdated beliefs because we fear change or what others may say. When you remove all the masks, the status, the mindset, then what do you have?
Chapter Five: Rooted in Confusion
“I have no identity all that I’ve known is gone all I was building on.”
I found spirituality through my collection of questions about religion.
Rooted in confusion could have been the title when you think about the FOMO rooted within the Black community. The church, excuse me, the Black church specifically, is rooted in the bylaws of slavery, keeping the Black community in line. We must learn to nurture our souls like gardens and pull the weeds of confusion by the root to prevent it from coming back for the next generation. This rooted confusion has grown so deep within our culture that the roots have started to twine together, twisting our mindsets into realities that were never meant for us to agree to.
Chapter Six: The Art of Healing
“How can I love somebody else, if I can’t love myself enough to know?”
I preserved a collection of my happiness.
All I wanted was to be happy, that was my why when I started healing. I thought if I could fix the things wrong with me, I could experience true happiness. At first, I didn’t know, but I learned that happiness was only possible once I accepted myself. There was nothing to fix about myself, but acceptance would result in true happiness. This was the life-changing pivot in my journey home.
Chapter Seven: I Denounce Dominance
“Blue pill in the fucking Matrix, red rose in the gray pavement.”
I collected my willpower and resilience.
For my entire life, I’d been dedicated to a path that led to self-depletion. I used to exhaust my energy daily into relationships that were one-sided due to the fear of being alone. I gave my power away willingly because I didn’t know I had it within myself to keep going, even if I was alone. A blue pill in the fucking Matrix, red rose in the gray pavement, raging with willpower and resilience. It feels good when the dedication is only on myself and my goals, within a year, look what I’ve accomplished for myself. This is a game of chess, y’all.
Part Three: Chronicles of Change
“Say it’s all uncomfortable when you transition, but it’s all beautiful when you get rich in it.”
I collected my wealth in transition.
It’s so interesting journeying through time and reflecting on where I was energetically, mentally, and even physically connecting these songs to the chapters/parts but also finding them in general. This one has been with me for many years as a reminder of the stolen greatness I am on my journey to claim. To prove I am capable of my dreams, ironically, my Substack publication has been the continued collection of timestamps for how I manifested everything in this part of the book.
Chapter Eight: The Power of Yet
“Spoke somethings into the Universe and they appeared!”
I collected my wildest dreams.
Writing this chapter was probably the hardest for me, this whole part of the book was because I was in a space of knowing and feeling better ahead but still living in the draining reality. And taxing my mental energy and costing me everything else to simply exist. This feeling is still familiar, and there is better on the horizon. As I write this piece, I am packing and preparing for my dream home to become part of the collection of my wildest dreams. My dedication to finish the year and go for what I believe in paid off, this is my victory lap season.
Chapter Nine: Chronicles of Change
“Talk to me in your love language, show me how to connect to you.”
I collected my unconditional self-love.
Because this journey has required me to jump into multiple timelines, I’ve had to be introduced to myself in many different versions. The more I took leaps of faith toward my dreams, the more I discovered my true love language, and my publication Chronicles of Change has been keeping the updated timestamps on those new identities.
Chapter Ten: New Identity Loading
“Betting on myself and every time nigga it’s a hit.”
I collected my dream life.
Larry June is from the Bay Area, and I have been listening to his songs on repeat every day for two years straight. Living in Oakland is no coincidence; this is a true manifestation. The Bay Area is not represented when you think about California; it’s so different here, it’s chill and laid back but connected through the community. That’s the life I dreamed of, starting here was so aligned with the history of Black movements in this area. My journey has prepared me for the new role I have accepted now that I am home. I have documented and preserved my timestamps along my journey and now have the opportunity to preserve Black culture, the community I am already standing ten toes down for. Everything I dreamed of my life looking like to feel successful is exactly what I feel today as you read this piece. I hope it’s contagious and you take the first step towards following your dream.
Today’s my birthday and there are only two things I want for my birthday this year, and that’s for y’all to purchase one or both of my print publications. My book is available now (signed by me), and the BlackStack Magazine First Issue print publication is live for preorder today, because it’s my birthday!
Links
Book: UN-TRAP DA HOOD
Preorder: BlackStack Magazine
Thank you so much for this opportunity Shanté, this was very healing for me to reflect on my year and my major accomplishments over this year for my birthday. Thank y’all for celebrating with me!
xoxo,
Jacquie
thanks to Jacquie for lending her pen to my page with this beautiful testimony of embodying one’s purpose! let’s all wish her a happy birthday and show some love in the comments. be sure to also check out the links above to support and follow along with her work.
fellow collectors, did you enjoy this guest feature? please visit the highlighted recollections tab of my newsletter to read previous posts and learn more about the series. one more thing: do you have a collection that you’d like to share on things i collected? let’s chat! my ultimate goal with recollections is to be able to photograph and document other folks’ collections, and i’d love to make this series a quarterly offering for 2025.